Paradox
by lilswimmer
Summary: CJ fic, with twistsssss. things start to get a little scary for the couple when a psycho enters there lifes. maybe moved to m rating sooon. oh everything will be explained in future episodes. thanks for the reviews :D
1. Chapter 1

The days always seemed long, even though every day was different life just seemed to be a routine, nothing good or special happened the day just began and then finished all with the same loneliness. Five years since she had screwed it all up, five years since she had destroyed it all. Five years of pointless one night stands and drinking for the sake of drinking. Work had become something that you just had to get through, it paid the bills and now that she was mainly behind the desk she didn't have to worry about what and when she drank.

Throwing herself into work Charlie had received promotion after promotion but as soon as Ruby left for uni she had no one to share it with. They weren't as close as they used to be the hole "I'm your mother chat" made things a little awkward to say the least. Her promotions had taken her away from the bay, which was a good thing's in some respects. All her main friends had gone it was only Martha left really and after the whole dating Angelo issues they weren't that close. But the main reason was that in the city she didn't feel her heart break a little more each time she walked along the beach or every time she got called down to the docks she wouldn't look around and prey that she would she the familiar figure of Joey.

After everything that she had done she couldn't expect that Joey would return to be with her, but for Joey to just not come back at all to even give ruby a text at the very least to say she couldn't face coming back to the bay. But she couldn't and Charlie hated her for that, she felt hurt and hated thinking of Joey as a coward but that is all she could do to hide the total devastation.

Finishing off her whiskey Charlie slammed the glass down on the table, as she was about to order another a hand touched her on the shoulder.

"looks like your having a bad day?" the stranger stated. Charlie looked up and met the woman's eye's she was taken in by the amazing blue that she felt herself swimming in.

She smiled " It seems like every day falls into that category"

"well let me buy you another drink then and maybe we can see if things get better?" Charlie stood up so that she was face to face with the woman.

"well how about we get a drink back at mine" she touched the woman's cheek leant in and kissed her softly and gently on the lips. Sucking the soft bottom lip she let her hands slip over the woman's arse and small of her back. Charlie pulled away and turned her back on the lady leaving her hand out stretched Charlie smiled as she felt the fingers of her acquaintance intertwine her fingers.

Running through Charlie's mind was the thought that at least she wouldn't have to be alone tonight and she could fool herself when she got up in the morning that she did live a life where she had no one. For tonight at least she had someone. As her lips met with her guest who she still hadn't bothered to find out her name she began to tug at clothes as things began to get more passionate. Charlie straddled the blonde letting her leg slip between the beautifully tanned thighs she was now running her hands up and down, feeling the heat in between the two bodies rise. She didn't know why but she felt that she had to check whether her new friend was sure about going further.

"are you sure about this?"

"Amy my names Amy and yes I'm sure" Charlie slipped down the black thong and let her fingers find the heat that was radiating. Kissing Amy deeply Charlie ran her hands threw the long blonde hair. She couldn't help but comment on how beautiful the young woman was as she pushed her close to the edge. Amy pulled herself up to meet Charlie's lips letting her hands massage over Charlie's firm breasts. As Amy let out a moan letting Charlie know that she had achieved what she set out to do she let her body drop down on to the tanned skin that lay beneath her. Kissing the woman on the cheek she let sleep fall over her, making sure that she had her alarm set for work in the morning.


	2. people leave or do i drive them away?

Waking up before her alarm went off the alcohol from last night making her mouth feel like sand paper, rolling on to her back and staring up at the ceiling Charlie sighed as she felt a arm slip over her waist then lips beginning to kiss the crook of her neck, she resisted the urge to get lost in the sensation. Rolling make on to her side she climbed out of bed and walked to the bathroom, looking round at the woman in the bed whose name she just couldn't quite remember.

"I have work in a bit you should probably start getting dressed" and with that Charlie turned her back and locked the bath room door.

Amy lay in bed slightly shocked at her cold reception she had received for her good morning that she had tried to give, _was I that bad? Did she really not enjoy last night that much?_ Gathering up her clothes the blonde started to get dressed. She didn't leave the apartment she wanted answers before she left. It wasn't like she wasn't used to one night stands, but usually there was some small talk exchanged in the morning and well normally there was a little more talk before hand. She was puzzled, hurt and at the same time slightly intrigued by Charlie.

Charlie washed away her hangover, she let the water almost scold her as she tried to clear her head ready for work, eventually fully dressed hair and make-up done she was ready to leave the confines of her little room hoping that Amy, at least she had remembered her name had got the idea Charlie wasn't into morning chats and had left.

As the door swung open she realised that she wasn't that lucky. But she also realised just how beautiful Amy really was, in the orangey glow of the morning sun she looked almost angelic. Charlie couldn't help but suppress the thought that maybe she was here to save her, that her refusing to leave was some sort of sign. Giving her head a little shake she decided she was a idiot for even considering the thought.

"I thought you would have gone?" Charlie tried to say in her coldest voice possible, she could see that what she was doing was hurting the woman. But surely a little bit of hurt or bruising of ego's was better than Charlie being hurt later when Amy decided to leave her?

"I'm not the type of girl that you can just be rude to and I'll disappear I'm fine with one night stands but rudeness no you don't get to be like this." She moved closer to Charlie. "I know nothing about you and yet there's something about you I don't know what this could be but I think it should be more than just sex where we don't even know anything about each other. Does it make you feel good Charlie? Do you enjoy not having anyone and just going out and getting drunk on your own and finding some sex just so you don't have to be on your own."

Charlie stood there standing there every single word was striking like a doubled edged sword she tried to say something in reply but nothing came out, how could she argue with what was being said. All she could do was attempt to try and hide the tears that were forming in her eyes as she faced the pitiful life that she had created for herself. " I have to get to work, i need you to leave please." All confidence had been knocked out of her voice. Understanding that she had probably given Charlie a lot to think about Amy decided to do as she asked and left, but first she put a piece of paper down on the table next to her.

"just in case you realise you want someone to talk to"

Charlie sat at her desk, she had managed to stop herself from crying but she couldn't stop analysisg everything about her life. The fact that she had managed to drive everyone away. Ruby her own daughter she had pushed to a point where she no longer wanted to travel back from uni to visit. Joey she had cheated on her, then not fought hard enough to get her to stay, it was like she kept people at arms length to stop herself from being hurt but this in fact was hurting her even more. Was it that people always left her or did she drive them away?

She realised as she passed Amy's phone number continuously through her fingers that she should make a change. That she needed to do something with her life than sit behind this desk in a uniform that no longer meant anything to her. She knew what the first step she had to take was and opening up a word document she began to type her letter of resignation.

Knocking on the door to her senior's office she asked if she could come in, "of course Charlie what can i do for you?"

" I would like you to render my resignation with immediate effect please sir. I am no longer able to carry out the requirements of this job"

"Charlie, what do you mean? Where has this decision come from?" Charlie sat in the chair across from her senior and explained everything how she had to leave to find herself again and not just a uniform and how she needed to visit the ghosts that were in her past. Because she felt like she was drowning and going to self destruct at any time.

"Charlie why did you never come and speak to me sooner, your a brilliant officer. I don't want to lose you but I can understand some of what you have said. Work until Friday give me some opportunity to find a replacement and then you can go." Charlie stood up to leave as she opened the door her senior called after her " Charlie I'm sorry I feel like this is my fault I should have realised that you weren't happy or something was wrong but I just looked at results and paper work. Sorry"

Charlie now had three days to decide what the heel she was going to do with her life.


	3. Samuel Arthur Collins

The door flung open and in came bounding the three and a half year old terror that was Samuel. He jumped up on the bed and began pocking and pulling anything he could get a hold off. There was a groan from under the quilt as one of the occupants did not try to hide her displeasure at having been woken. The other lay perfectly still and as the little horror pressed her firmly on the nose she flung back the covers and shouted "boo!" and proceeded to grab the little boy and smother him in kisses and tiggle his tummy. Telling Sam that he needed to go play why she got dressed Joey climbed out of bed and began rummaging for clean clothes.

Having decided that she wouldn't be able to sleep the woman with short blonde hair that was still wrapped in the quilt began to moan as she did every morning "Jo seriously has that boy not heard of a lay in?"

"No lexi he hasn't he isn't even four yet. I'm not going to force him to stay in bed until one of us goes and gets him just give him time he'll settle down he's had a lot to deal with. We all have."

"don't give me that sob story again you hated Bret for everything he did to you and your precious Charlie and now here you are raising his devil spawn."

"Don't call Sam that, he can't help who his parents are so now I have to make sure he has the best life possible. And maybe I need to think about whether your right for that." Joey stormed out the room and went to find her nephew.

She couldn't help but let out a sigh as she saw him playing with his cars. It wasn't his fault he never asked for his mum to be in the car with Bret whilst they were both drunk neither had been hurt but they had crashed into another vehicle. Sadly the occupants of that car had not been so lucky, Bret was now serving a prison sentence for five accounts of death whilst driving and Natalie sam's mother had been found to have copious amounts of cocaine on her when she was taken to the hospital. Out of her mind on drugs Natalie had decided prison seemed to bad a option for her and ended things as soon as she arrived in her cell. After the arrests had taken place Joey found herself being notified about the existence of Samuel Arthur Collins. Shocked at the fact that this little boy her nephew had existed for three years without her knowledge Joey nearly had a heart attack when she was asked by the authorities to become his career as his only living relative. Without hesitation she said yes, no nephew of hers would ever be put into care although it meant that she had had to change everything about her life she no longer worked on the boats, her new management position had a nice sea view office. Her studio apartment was now a small two bed family home with a fridge covered in art work. But she loved it, having sam in her life was the best thing she could have ever dreamt of she just wished it wasn't with lexi that she was sharing it.

An hour later Lexi finally emerged from the bedroom and made her way down to the kitchen were she rummaged through the cupboards to find her breakfast and settled infront of the tv where Sam had on a kids programme, snatching the remote from the floor Lexi changed the channel to her soap opera that was being repeated, Sam began to winge and cry.

Joey walked through from the next room in time to hear her girlfriend start to berate the little boy " whats the matter precious did mean Lexi turn your cartoon off? Awww well stop crying and get over it we cant all have what we want!"

Sam sat on the floor hardly making a sound just staring up at the blonde haired woman, Joey went to step forward and intervine but her gut was telling her to just keep quiet for a few seconds more. Lexi leant forward so she was right in the boy's face. " I said stop crying otherwise I will give you something to cry about"

Joey stepped in not wanting to put her little man in any danger " Lexi you raise one hand to him and I will beat you within a inch of your life do you understand me." Lexi stood up and came face to face with Joey. "what Jo you going to hit me, make yourself feel good, be like Bret is that it?"

"Your seriously screwed up, your there bullying a little boy and your turning me out to be the bad person. Get out of my house and don't ever come near me or Sam again do you understand."

Lexi began to panic she had no where else to go she needed Joey attempting to apologise she begged Joey to give her another chance. Not having any of it Joey scooped up sam and carried him upstair putting him safely in his room and shutting the door so he wouldn't witness anything that was about to happen. Joey stormed into her room and began shoving all of Lexi's crap into a bag running down the stairs she grabbed the shoes from the rack, opened the door and threw them and the bag out on to the street. Turning to face Lexi she said only one word, "OUT!!" and practically pushed her girlfriend out on to the street. Slamming the door she locked and slid the bolt across and ran up stairs to find the only person she had left in her life.

Some what upset by the mornings events sam was happy for Joey to pull him into a large bear style hug, kissing his soft golden locks she couldn't help but let the tears fall. Feeling all the strength inside her crumble away brick by brick Joey couldn't help but wish that Charlie was with her or even still in her life. She needed someone to save her from drowning again.

Ruby's uni room was small but she loved it, for the first time in a long time she felt she was in control. Her life was hers not her sister who was really her mum or Grant's or anybodies but hers. If she wanted to eat peanut butter straight from the jar she could. Sitting on her little bed catching up on all the tv she had missed from nights out, her attention was diverted away from some desperate housewives and towards her mobile phone. As it flashed up Charlie mum because although she had accepted that Charlie was her mother and loved her there was still a long way to go before she stopped thinking as her grandmother as her real mum. Deciding not to answer she let it go to voicemail.

Charlie sat at the table of a small cafe, the sea breeze cooling her off from the pounding sun. Slightly annoyed that she had to leave a voicemail for her own daughter she began "Hay rubes, I'm in the city for a couple of days I really want to speak to you it's important. Well actually I have to speak to you in person please I need to say some things to you I can't over the phone. Please call me back as soon as you get this."

Now she just had to wait.

Joey had forced herself up off the bedroom floor and put herself together mainly because a certain little boy had refused to let her wallow in self pity by insisting he was hungry. As she walked down the hall she looked at the picture of her and Ruby on the wall. If she couldn't have Charlie to help her maybe Ruby would be the familiar friend she needed. Pulling out her phone she dialled the number for Ruby hoping it was still the same one.

Thinking it was Charlie again Ruby didn't even bother to check her phone letting Joey go to message bank; "hi this is rubes leave whatever you have to say after the beep"

"hi ruby I'm seriously glad this is the same number, I know it's been a long time and it's 100% my fault me and Charlie shouldn't have affected me and you. Anyway I'm sorry and I just I could really do with speaking to a friend right now and don't worry it's not about anything to do with Charlie. His name is Sam. Can you help please rubes. Love you jo."

Sometime later when she decided that she was ready to listen to what ever drunken ramblings Charlie had left her, Ruby fetched her phone. Looking at the missed call list she couldn't help notice the irony neither had called for months and now on the same day minutes apart both Charlie and Joey had called her. Maybe they had got back together? No that would be to perfect. Listening to the messages she was firstly surprised to hear Charlie was sober and secondly Joey having man problems, what the hell was going on?


	4. Talking to Ruby

Ruby walked down the peer the sun on her back she couldn't take her mind off the fact that both Charlie and Joey had called her on the same day. She had called both back and was meeting both of them which was something to look forward to, first up was a sober Charlie and the next day would be Joey.

Charlie was leaning over the railing gazing out to sea as she often did she tried to imagine what amazing adventures Joey was having or how much she was loving her life sailing around the world. Charlie felt better than she had done for a long time she hadn't had a alcoholic drink since she left the force, she had started running again but there was still a ghostly look upon her face she seemed haunted and no matter how big she made her smile when she saw Ruby walking towards her she just couldn't get it to show in her eyes.

Ruby notice how sad Charlie looked straight away, she had looked that way for three years but now it was more it was like she had accepted that she wouldn't properly smile again, Ruby was battling with herself at whether to tell Charlie bout Joey coming to visit. But on the phone Joey hadn't mentioned anything of this man problem, so why give Charlie false hope if Joey had decided it was men she was attracted to after all. Could she really be the one to break Charlie's heart? As her mother embraced her and Ruby felt for the first time in years that she was actually important to Charlie she decided that she couldn't do it as selfish as it was she couldn't tell Charlie.

They walked with the arms linked enjoying spending time with each other, Charlie was catching up on her daughter's life and constantly apologising for how she had been acting. "Ruby it's not all alright I was a mess and fell apart, i should have been here for you. I'm your mother for Christ sake and this is the first time that I have been to visit you at uni and you finish next year, I am honestly ashamed of myself."

"Charlz its fine, I survived I'm still here and I still love you." Ruby gave her mum a quick hug.

"Ruby have you heard from her? Has Joey contacted you at all?" Charlie looked desperate, Ruby could feel her resolve breaking but she decided a white lie would be best.

"up until yesterday when you called I hadn't heard from anyone from summer bay at all" there that wasn't a total lie and technically it was just neglecting to add in _and then Joey called me five minutes after you._

"oh rite I was just wondering how she was that's all, Joey is part of the reason why I wanted to speak to you, I've decided three years is enough I resigned from the force and I'm going to start to try and put myself back together. I need to try and get back to being me and then maybe I don't know, maybe I could try and find Joey, just to speak to her and see where things go from there."

"Yer I think you need to concentrate on you Charlie, I want you back to how you used to be. Plus you never know Joey might be in a relationship."

"Do you know something Ruby?" Ruby felt seriously guilty but tried to hide it from Charlie. Because technically she didn't actually know the full details so there was all possibility that Joey was free and single. Only time would tell.

"No Charlie I honestly don't I haven't heard anything from Jo, I wouldn't know if she was free and single or married with kids.

"It was worth a shot anyway. Sorry"

"So what are your plans then?"

They spent the rest of the afternoon discussing Charlie's travel ideas. She was heading to a small town for a little rest bight similar to Summer Bay, but she could never go back there. Charlie had decided after everything that had happened to all the people that she loved over the years that there was probably some curse placed on the town long ago. Really how much bad luck could one town have? It was disaster after disaster.

Charlie walked Ruby home, hugging her daughter goodbye she couldn't help but realise how much of her little girls life she had missed first by pretending to be her sister and then by being a self obsessed drunken fool. But that was going to be one of the things that changed; she would become the mother that Ruby deserved.

Charlie returned back to her hotel setting out the maps upon the bed, she decided to plan her route her destination was Culpton Bay. The tourist guides said a perfect seaside town with majestic views and tranquil living. It sounded too good to be true but even if what she ended up with was somewhere near that it would be good enough for her.

Joey packed up the necessary items to take a three year old away for a afternooon, it seemed like a never ending amount of spare clothing and toys and basically everything but the kitchen sink. Grabbing enough snacks to last the two hour car journey Joey began the tedious task of strapping Sam into the car seat. She just couldn't seem to be able to get the hang of it, and Sam constantly pulling on the straps did not help one bit.

"mate for a chocolate bar can you keep still and let jojo do the straps up, please."

"But why jojo, I don't like it."

"I no bud but were going to see Aunty Ruby and you have to be in the seat to go and see her. I promise you, you will have a brilliant time."

"promise?" he held out his little finger which Joey shook. He then stopped fidgeting and let the straps were done. Starting the car they started their road trip. Both with smiles on their faces, even though Sam's was rather chocolaty.

After managing to follow the sat-nav to the address Ruby had given she carefully unclipped the sleeping Sam and staggered towards Ruby's dorm. As Ruby opened the door after hearing as small but familiar tap on the door she was shocked when she saw the small boy Joey was holding in her arms. She had never expected that.

Joey couldn't help but laugh as she saw Ruby's reaction, "This is Sam my nephew. Can we come in." Ruby stood back shocked allowing the entrance into her small room. Joey set Sam down on to the bed and tucked his bear under his arm. Moving into the small kitchen area and sitting down opposite Ruby she smiled softly. It felt awkward sitting in front of Charlie's daughter, before she lost touch with Leah she had found out the latest Buckton scandal half of her wanted to rush back to be with Charlie and help her threw it all. But there was the small problem she had a girlfriend. Neither of the two girls spoke so Joey decided she should break the silence.

"I guess we have a lot to talk about, your Charlie's daughter and technically I now have a kid" Joey tried to laugh but the sound just seemed to sound like a haunted replica of the real sound.

"How did you hear about Charlie?"

"Leah told me, I kept in touch with her for a while but it became too difficult to hear about you and Charlie that I had to lose touch for my own sanity."

"So do you know all the details of what happened with Grant?" Joey shook her head, but she had pretty much guessed what had happened. With the age difference, how determined Charlie was to make Joey report her rape and how guarded Charlie was when it came to relationships. As Ruby told her everything that had happened Joey's suspicions were confirmed.

"So how is Charlie now?" Ruby told Joey everything she knew that Charlie had gone to try and rediscover herself, but she didn't feel right discussing all Charlie's demons.

"So what about you Joey what happened to you after that day on the wharf? And how do you have a kid? I thought when you said Sam you had gone straight" now the two women really did laugh.

" Nice one Rubes, I pretty much guessed you hadn't expected me and a three year old on your door. I guess I should start at the beginning. I sailed off and probably made the biggest mistake of my life, I should never have left Charlie but I was too much a coward to come back and try to make things work. Then I found the psycho that was Lexi. Then Bret screwed up and I ended up with Sam in my life. Which if I'm honest is the best thing to happen to me since you and Charlie. But I don't know how I am meant to raise him by myself but there is nobody else"

The girls chatted for some time Joey going into more detail about where she was working and where she was living the little bay sounded perfect, Joey seemed to really love it there and finally found a place that was home. Ruby gave her supportive words and told her how she would be the best surrogate mother a boy could wish for. They were interrupted by a small voice calling out for JoJo.

Fetching Sam and some of his toys Joey returned to the table sitting the blonde haired boy on her lap. "Sam this is Ruby, do you remember me telling you about her?" he nodded taking in his surroundings and sizing up Ruby. Almost instantly he decided he liked her, the massive grin on her face was a very persuading factor. Sam was happy colouring whilst the two woman decided to talk until his stomach began to rumble.

As they sat in the restaurant Ruby finally asked the question that had been bugging her since Joey had called. Why now?

"Jo why did you call the other day? After all this time you just pop back into my life. What am I meant to tell Charlie?"

"Rubes I'm sorry if I could have I would have stayed away but I couldn't when it all kicked off with Lexi I fell apart and I found myself calling you, I can't do it anymore, I can't put this brave face on things and pretend that everything is alright. I know I have no right to see Charlie after leaving the way I did but I needed one of you, I needed saving and had nobody else to turn to. I'm sorry" Ruby out stretched her hand to comfort Joey feeling guilty for asking.

"Im here, anything you need" and she smiled softly.

"Where is she Ruby? I need to see Charlie."

"I can't tell you Jo, she needs to fix herself before she can save you, I didn't tell you but she developed a drink problem she's sober now but she has to sort herself out so she doesn't drink herself to death. Besides she never wrote it down, I know it's a small seaside place but that's it sorry"

"No I understand, if you speak to her soon can you tell her," she paused "tell her... just say you heard from me and depending on her reaction you can tell her what you like. But know this Ruby I love her so much it still hurts."

Diner was slightly awkward after that and as Sam began to yawn Joey decided it was time to head back to Culpton Bay.


	5. in my head

Charlie sat in her room of the bed and breakfast she was writing out a list of everything she needed to do, she wanted to right her wrongs.

Ruby- make it up to her.  
_Well that was a work in progress that she had firmly started._

Amy- apologise and thank

_She could do that one straight away_

Hitting the call button on her mobile she held her breath as she waited for a answer, "hello?"

"Amy hi it's Charlie."

"Oh I didn't think you did call backs, thought it was just sex with no emotional attatchments."

"I deserve that, but that's what I'm calling about. I'm sorry."

"wow I never expected that."

"I deserve that as well and I should never have been so rude to you. I've been really messed up and trying to deal with a lot of things but that is no excuse for the way I acted. It really wasn't you it was me." Charlie felt nervous, her heart was pounding this was one of the oddest things she had done but it felt good apologising.

"Oh well thanks it make it a little better, would you maybe like to meet up again some time, we can just talk if you want."

"I can't I'm sorry."

"Of course why would you want to meet up with me again, sorry I should have guessed." Charlie could here that there was some sadness in Amy's voice.

"No it's not that, I would like to see you again even if it is just to chat, that would be really good. It's just I'm in a place called Culpton Bay at the moment well for a little while and I don't know when Il be back if ever to the city, it's part of the stuff I need to deal with"

"Really? You would see me again. Well I have to go now but if you want maybe you could just occasionally text me or something. Whatever really. It's just a idea. Bye Charlie" and with that Amy hung up.

Charlie wasn't sure if that had gone well or not, she didn't want Amy to hold out hope that there could be something between them but what would a odd text do. Because the girl seemed so insecure Charlie decided to text her then. _I think its a good idea __. _Leaving it at that she decided at least its a little bit of positive thought for Amy.

Stay away from alcohol

_So far she was achieving that two weeks and counting._

A new career

_No Idea what so ever? Maybe a fitness instructor? _

Make it up to VJ.

_She had been promising him for weeks that before she left they would do something special together but she had always been busy with work or too hungover to do anything._

**JOEY**

_Find her and make things right, maybe even try and get back together with her._

Charlie was sure that in time a lot more would be added to the list but to start of with she had a pretty good idea. Deciding she had spent enough of the glorious day in her room she ventured out into the new streets of Culpton Bay.

Joey was annoyed the child minder was always late on a Monday it was like she forgot that after the weekend she had a job. Finally she called her minder and stated that she would drop Sam at hers on the way. Grabbing her brief case and Sam's bag and at the last minute remembering Sam she headed out the door, half running down the street. Knocking on the door she kissed her nephew goodbye quickly and ran almost all the way to work arriving at her building with a minute to spare as she was typing in the code to the door a tall brown haired woman caught her eye, the figure and a striking resemblance to Charlie, down to the way that the hair was scrapped up in a pony tail and her left hand swung softly whilst the right stayed still. Distracted from her starring Joey had to look away from the woman as the keypad beeped at her. By the time she had looked across at the woman she had disappeared and as much as Joey would have loved to chase after her, her job would not allow it. _It wasn't Charlie, you've got her on the brain. why would Charlie be here? But it looked so much like her. _Joey mentally kicked herself for thinking about Charlie again.


	6. she stands in beauty

Joey sat at her desk she couldn't get the image of the woman out of her mind she became lost in thoughts of Charlie, her office door opened and somebody slipped in side. She felt hands on her shoulders massaging them gently, soft lips found her neck and began kissing and sucking as the hands travelled down from her shoulders to her breasts. Cupping each one in turn and squeezing the woman turned Joeys chair round to face her, their eyes met and Joey let out a soft moan as her bottom lip was crushed between the womans.

"Charlie I missed you so much" Joey managed to get out as they gasped for breaths between their tongs reconnecting with each other. Charlie straddled Joey in her chair, Joey delighted in feeling the added pressure on her hips. She let her hands run up and down underneath the fabric of Charlie's t-shirt.

As Charlie dug her teeth into Joeys neck biting the soft skin, she whispered her name "Joey"

Charlie's calls became louder "Joey!"

Hearing a bang down on her desk, Joey's eyes snapped open "earth to Joey." Stood in front of her Joey found that her boss was stood hands on the desk with a disapproving look on his face, "I'm not even going to ask what you were having a day dream about" Joey couldn't help but feel the temperature of her cheeks rise. She had never felt so embarrassed.

"Sorry Adam it won't happen again I'm just a little distracted, what can I help you with." The day dream had been so real; Joey was finding it hard to get her head back in the room. Even still she was picturing Charlie with her hand all over her body. Mentally kicking herself to stop thinking about the woman that destroyed her heart Joey wheeled the chair over her foot so that the pain would distract her from Charlie and help her focus.

"Can you just get these reports finished by today please, we need to know if we can start getting a new crew." Joey smiled as sweetly as possible and said she would do it straight away. Thankful that her boss turned and left her too it. Grabbing her foot she quickly mumbled some curses at the pain she had caused and tried to rub it better.

Charlie was wandering the streets: she had nowhere she had to be and nothing to do, she was exploring and that's how she liked it. She walked past a small children's park and couldn't help but smile as a small blonde haired boy was running rings around his mother, and then as quick as a flash he was off to the slide. She couldn't help but remember when Ruby had been like this she used to run rings around her. Every day after school Charlie would take her daughter to the park. The times spent there was possible some of her most treasured memories of Ruby. When they were alone together Charlie really did feel like the little girl's mother. Deciding she had loitered too long she moved on. Seeing a toy shop across the road she decided to go and find something worthy of the attentions of VJ. Although getting him a present to say sorry would be like buying his affections she decided to attach a note of a promise that she would take him to an Aussie rules game next time they saw each other.

Wondering the aisles Charlie found the perfect present for VJ he would love it, and it didn't matter if he already had it because the little robot would interact with others. She was distracted from her thoughts by the sound of a small child crying. Looking for the source of the sound, she spotted the small blonde haired boy from earlier huddled in the book. She could not see the boys mother with him so approached figuring that he must be lost. Sitting down next to him she could see how scared he looked.

"are you ok? Are you lost?"

"I can't talk to you you're a stranger." Sniffed the little boy. Well at least he's smart. Charlie went to her purse luckily she still had her police identification it just had a big red stamp on it saying inactive now, but it should do the trick.

"That's a very smart thing, but did you get told of some strangers that you are allowed to talk to? Like police officers." The small boy nodded. Charlie handed him her card. "I'm a police lady so you can talk to me it's alright. I'm here to help you." He studied the card, looked up at Charlie then back to the card.

"I'm Sam" he whispered

"I'm Charlie. Shall we try and find your mummy then Sam?" the boy shook his head. "I don't have a mummy. I have a JoJo but she's working, Karen is looking after me today. She always does when JoJo is at work. But I don't like her much" Charlie stood up and held out her hand for the little boy, leaving VJ's present on the floor she walked down the aisle with Sam. "so did you come in here with Karen or did you run off from her at the park." The little boy stopped at stared at her opened mouthed.

"How did you know I was in the park!" Charlie laughed at the little boy, she was really starting to like him. "by magic I'm a police lady we know everything." As they got to the exit of the shop Charlie scooped Sam up in to her arm's, the last thing she wanted was him running off across the road. She didn't expect him to hug her though. She really did like this little boy, once you had his trust he seemed to give you everything. He reminded her slightly of Joey. Entering the park she spotted Karen sitting on the bench reading a magazine. She hadn't even noticed that the little boy was missing. Charlie walked over still with Sam in her arms and tapped the woman on the shoulder.

"I believe you are meant to be looking after this boy and not letting him wonder across the road to the toy shop?"

The woman looked genuinely shocked. "oh my god, no I didn't even no he had gone."

Charlie put Sam down "go and play on the swings but no wondering off." He nodded. Charlie turned her attention to the woman. "You can't take your eyes off him for a minute. What were you thinking he could have been hit by a car. Karen had tears brimming in her eyes. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to I just he's such hard work, I needed a rest." Charlie's eyes flashed with anger, "then can I suggest you find a different career. Otherwise you may find yourself arrested for neglect or something worse if anything happens to him." Charlie walked over to Sam on the swings.

"bye Sam now be good ok, no more wondering off." He ran up to Charlie and hugged her, "I won't I promise. See you later Police lady Charlie"

Karen had begged Sam not to say a word of his little adventure with the police lady, but those sort of promises mean nothing to a three year old. So when Joey asked Sam how he had spent his day whilst they sat and ate dinner. She did not expect to hear his answer, "we went to the park and played but I got bored Karen was no fun she just sat reading her magazine. So I went across to the toy shop." Joey almost spat her drink across the table "You did what? Sam you can't just go across roads and wonder off when you get bored."

"I know that's what police lady Charlie said" he had a big smile on his face.

Police lady Charlie? Surely that was too much of a coincidence. Thinking she had seen Charlie earlier that morning and now Sam saying he had met a woman. Was Charlie really here in Culpton Bay? "Sam tell me about the police Lady" the little boy recited off everything that had happened with Charlie and how she was pretty and nice. He also said he wanted to see her again, which Joey was very much in agreement with.

Charlie called Ruby after dinner to tell her about her day, partly she wanted to check in with her daughter but the main reason was she needed a distraction to keep Joey off her mind. She told Ruby all about Sam. As she described the little boy and let slip that she had thought he was very much like Joey, which probably sounded stupid. Ruby asked a very odd question, "mum, do you remember if he had a eye that was slightly more green than the other, i mean one is like pure electric blue and the other is a green blue."

"Rubes how did you know that?" Ruby let out a sigh down the phone, " because the reason he seems like Joey is because Joey is his Aunt. Thats if i'm right it could just be a coincidence."

Charlie was shocked, she didn't no what else to say. That little boy's JoJo was her Joey. They were in the same place and yet had no idea where either were. " I have to go rubes" Charlie flipped the phone shut. She needed a walk to clear her head it was spinning out of control.

Joey settled Sam into bed, she called Ruby as soon as she shut the bedroom door. Ruby couldn't believe it. Again Charlie and Joey within minutes of each other fate was really trying to either mess them up beyond repair or get them back together. She hoped it was the latter. "hello Joey, can I try and guess what you are calling about. Did sam have a little adventure today?"

"Rubes how did you know that, it was Charlie wasn't it. She was police lady Charlie?"

"you are one hundred percent correct. Your both obviously in Culpton Bay"

"where is she Rubes I have to find her" Joey sounded desperate. "I don't know exactly she said she was in a bed and breakfast so that cuts it down a little for you. Oh she said the food is really good" "rubes that doesn't help one bit, there are like ten b&b's here." Joey sounded even more frustrated Charlie was so close yet so far.

"You know what Charlie is like she's not big on details. But I'm guessing she needed to clear her head cos she hung up pretty quick so it would be easy to say that she is at the beach now."

"I have to go Ruby bye."

Joey ran down the stair to grab her shoes to chase down Charlie at the beach. Then she remembered Sam. She couldn't leave him in his own. She ran to her next door neighbour " please I need you to listen out for Sam for a while. He's in bed asleep. He'l be no problems. I have to go take care of something. Please."

The older lady couldn't say no to Josephine it wouldn't have surprised her if she got down on her hands and feet and began to beg. The lady known to all as Mrs Compton locked up her house and as soon as she had crossed the threshold of Joeys house. Joey ran as fast as she could towards the beach.

_**If you only knew  
I'm hanging by a thread  
The web I spin for you  
If you only knew  
I'd sacrifice my beating  
Heart before I lose you  
I still hold onto the letters  
You returned  
I swear I've lived and learned**_

Charlie sat on the sand, her hands tracing patterns in the sand she allowed herself to be lost in the memories in spending time at the beach with Joey, a time when they had been happy. A time before she had messed it up.

_**Its 4:03 and I can't sleep  
Without you next to me I  
Toss and turn like the sea  
If I drown tonight, bring me  
Back to life  
Breathe your breath in me  
The only thing that I still believe  
In is you, if you only knew**_

Joey ran across the sand searching for a sign that Charlie was there, she didn't have to look too hard because she found the woman sat in front of her, some way down the beach. The way the moonlight echoed off her made her look hauntingly beautiful. Charlie's shoulders where hunched over she looked a shadow of her former self.

_**If you only knew  
How many times I counted  
All the words that went wrong  
If you only knew  
How I refuse to let you go,  
Even when you're gone  
I don't regret any days I  
Spent, nights we shared,  
Or letters that I sent**_

Joey tried to walk forward or even call out but she couldn't do anything. She just stayed still, she couldn't speak. She had wanted for so long to speak to Charlie, to tell her she loved her but now she had the chance she wasn't sure if she could actually manage to do it.

_**It's 4:03 and I can't sleep  
Without you next to me I  
Toss and turn like the sea  
If I drown tonight, bring me  
Back to life  
Breathe your breath in me  
The only thing that I still believe  
In is you, if you only knew**_

Charlie decided she had spent long enough wallowing at the beach maybe it was time to head home, as she stood up slowly her eyes gazed upon a figure stood some distance from her. Her eyes travelled up the toned athletic body that stood in front of her different but yet still strangely familiar.

_**If you only knew  
I still hold onto the letters  
You returned  
You help me live and learn**_

Joey stepped forward, her eyes were locked with Charlie's any doubt she had vanished. Charlie could have committed a thousand sins. She forgave her for every single one in this moment all there was; was her, Charlie and a uncontrollable urge to kiss her._ She walks in Beauty, like the night of cloudness climes and starry skies, And all that's best of dark and bright meet in her aspect and her eyes _the quote came rushing to Joey's mind.

Nothing came to mind, all these years she had thought about what she would say and now she had nothing. She lost control of her body, the urge to kiss Joey was too strong. Running towards her Charlie could feel the tears trickling down her cheeks. Joey remained still, she relished in the contact between her and Charlie after so long. Charlie cupped Joey's face. Letting her hand travel down it. She couldn't help but notice that Joey looked so much older than she should have for three years to have passed. She let their fore heads touch. Joey wrapped her arms tightly around Charlie and pulled her in closely to her, Charlie let out a soft moan. Finally after three long years of heart break their lips collided together, but only for a moment. Charlie pulled away, and looked deep into the tear filled eye's of Joey. Wiping a single tear from the corner of joeys eye. Charlie kissed the top of the girls forehead.

"If this is a dream, then never let me wake, if this is a dream then let me die now because I have finally found a moment of happiness in three years of pain."

Joey smiled wiping away the wetness from Charlie's cheeks. "It's not a dream. Your back in my arm's where you should never have gone missing from."

"I'm so sorry Joey, I have never stopped loving you. Please believe that"

"I know your sorry and it's caused us enough pain. I love you more than I should, your the love of my life Charlie." They kissed again more passionately than before, Joey let them fall down on to the sand, as they continued kissing Charlie's hands travelled under Joey's top. Feeling the soft skin beneath her fingers Charlie couldn't help but let out a moan. This brought Joey back to reality. She couldn't loose herself to Charlie again she had too much at stake this time.

Pulling away from Charlie, without a word Joey stood up and stepped away and began to head down the beach. Charlie stayed seated she was stunned, what had just happened? She had had everything now it had gone again. Chasing after Joey, she caught hold of a wrist and pulled the younger girl to a halt. Now the two women facing each other, their faces showing to different emotions, Joey was distraught tears running freely down her cheeks. Charlie was angry and defeated.

"what the hell Joey you can't say I'm the love of your life and then just run off."

"I can Charlie well I can feel that I'm already loosing myself in you, and I have a three year old at home who should be my entire world. And when you break my heart again I can't be as broken like I was because it will affect him. I'm sorry Charlie I have to choose Sam,"


	7. flowers for you

Joey practically ran down the beach, Charlie was simply dumbfounded she was seriously shocked by what Joey had just done to her. In the words you are the love of my life Charlie had believed everything would be ok, but then with in a second Joey had created a paradox. She loved Charlie yet she couldn't be with her because of that. That was insane! There was no way in hell Charlie was going to let Joey stick with her decision. Picking herself up from the crumpled mess on the floor that she had become, kicking off her shoes she began to chase after Joey once again.

She ran over to Joey and grabbed her shoulder pulling the younger woman down on to the sand. Charlie stood over her, tears dripped down onto Joey. "What the hell Joey, that makes no sense you can't just tell me you have loved me for three years and then say but nothing can happen. I get that you have a Sam to look after now Ruby filled me in, but why does that mean you can't live your life. You love me Joey and I will make you realise that."

Joey sat listening she hadn't moved or even tried to argue back she was fixated by Charlie's eye's she couldn't help but let the thought of how sexy Charlie looked when she was angry slip into her mind. But as quickly as it arrived Joey banished it to the furthest corner of her mind. Charlie reached down her hand brushed over Joey's cheek and kissed her passionately their lips breaking apart almost as soon as they touched. "I will prove to you that I can be who you and Sam need me to be" and she walked off back towards her hotel room, her heart was feeling like it had shattered almost beyond repair.

Joey got home relieving her baby sitter she locked the door and then went up to bed, she didn't bother to change. Hating herself for the heartbreak she had caused herself she slipped under the covers reached for the teddy bear that Charlie had given her when she first moved into Leah's place. The bear had long since lost its smell of Charlie but it had been a comfort all the less.

Three days passed, Charlie had purposely avoided Joey. She hadn't wanted to pressure her and she had had a lot to sort. Deciding that she couldn't spend her time in a bed and breakfast she had gone about renting an apartment. She had found a little two bed condo just off the beach; from the bedrooms you could see the sea. As she hung her new curtains she couldn't help but think that Joey would love to wake up and look out at that view. She had also arranged a job for herself; it had been difficult because all she had ever been was a police officer. But she had managed to talk her way into the Physical Ed job at the local school. It was a brilliant opportunity for her she didn't even have to take the theory side of it she just got to exercise all day and try to get the kids to join in with it.

Joey was getting sick of it as the door bell rang again and she had to sign for yet another bunch of flowers. Did Charlie seriously think that this would make her love her, if anything she wanted to ram the flowers down her throat. Knowing that Sam was safely at a play date till late she decided to head over to Charlie's. A new address card had been put through Joey's letter box, both surprised that Charlie knew where she lived and that she was now a resident of her little town.

Charlie moved away from her computer at hearing a persistent hammering on the door, opening it to find Joey, Charlie was shocked, " Jo what are you doing here" it sounded a little ruder than she had wanted it to come out.

"Well isn't that what you want? Get my attention with constant bouquets and then new address cards, you should know I don't even like bloody flowers."

"Joey I have No Idea what you are talking about, what so ever. I have been so busy here sorting everything out I haven't been near town. Plus the small issue I don't know where you live and of course I know that you don't like flowers except the water Lilly. So what are you talking about."

"Charlie don't mess with me please"

"Jo, I swear to you, actually I can prove to you it wasn't me." Joey followed Charlie threw to the study. Charlie opened up her bank account and showed Joey the transactions." I don't have any other cards, and check the dialled numbers on my phone, its literally just Ruby or my new Job."

"and Amy you seem to call her a lot" Joey couldn't help but sound jealous, Charlie stepped forward and cupped Joey's face "she is just a friend, that's it." Seen as Joey didn't pull away Charlie tilted her head and kissed the lips that were so tempting to her. Joey kissed Charlie back letting her hands travel over Charlie's back and pulling the woman in closer to her, as there need for oxygen forced them apart Charlie rested her head on Joey's forehead.

"Im sorry I shouldn't have taken advantage of you like that, it's just I don't know what I'm doing Jo I just lose my head when I'm around you" Joey silenced Charlie with a another kiss on the lips.

"It's fine, I should be apologising to you about the other night I was horrid to you, you should hate me not be trying to help me. I can't not be with you Charlie but I can't put my heart at risk of breaking again"

"I won't break it, i promise. And we will take it slow until you are ready" Charlie kissed Joey again but this time on the cheek. Taking the hand that fitted so perfectly in hers she led Joey to the door, " we need to sort this flower thing out though it's creepy."

Charlie was in her element, she was in cop mode and doing it for Joey, what could be better. She called the florist company trying to get details but they wouldn't talk, they read through every note attached to the cards looking for patterns. The notes were slightly disturbing, " Joey how could you think I wrote these there disturbing, what does it mean You will get what you deserve, and you deserve me."

"I don't know I kind of gave up reading them I just sort of threw them in the corner. I just guessed it was you because you said you would get me to love you again."

"I meant by gaining your trust not harassing and stalking you till you agreed to date me again" Joey laughed and kissed Charlie's hand. "Jo where's Sam, it's getting late."  
Joey looked at her watch, "I didn't realise the time Carla should have phoned for me to pick him up by now." Joey pulled her mobile out and called Carla. "hay it's Jo, can I come get Sam soon it's getting late,"

"Joey Lexi picked him up hours ago he had dinner and couldn't stop yawning so I called you and Lexi answered."

"What, how, Where the hell is Sam." Charlie took the phone from Joey and began to ask the appropriate questions to Carla, whilst at the same time Joey crumpled into her side. Holding her tight Charlie kissed the top of Joeys head, "we'll find them." Joey called Lexi, eventually there was a answer,  
"Joey I wondered when you would finally realise your little brat was missing. A little preoccupied with Charlie were you?"

"Where is he?"

"he's with a friend of mine, he will be fine if you and Charlie do what you are told."


	8. For the fantasy

She was running faster than at all humanly possible, it had now been nearly two days since she had had any rest yet she still had the strength to carry on, there was too much at stake for her to give in. One minute. That's all she had one minute and if she was right it would just be the start of it but if she was wrong it would be it, the end, there would be nothing left.

Her lungs were burning gasping for oxygen but she didn't stop pushing harder and harder her legs carried her over the ground. She reached the little shack almost stumbling into the door, twenty seconds, she tried the handle it wouldn't budge and taking out her gun she shot the lock so the door now swung open. The room was empty there was nothing not even furniture, running to the next she found a card on the table.

_GOOD TRY BUT NOT GOOD ENOUGH  
YOU HAVE 15 SECONDS TO LEAVE_

She read and re read the card then looked up seeing a countdown timer she knew what was about to happen

10

She looked for another exit she wouldn't make it back out the way she had came in

7

The window, aiming the gun she shot the glass and heard it shatter whilst she ran at it.

0

The blast went off the entire shack burst into flames, hitting the floor her body lay still for the first time since the phone call to Lexi, it was easy to just lay there to not have to try and find strength from somewhere else within her and have to carry on. Maybe she could just rest, let the tiredness take her away.

Ruby sheltered Sam's eyes from the screen they were being forced to look at, the young girl couldn't take her eyes off the screen, she was desperate. Praying for the figure to show some sign of movement but as of yet there was none. Was her mother really gone? Was she now completely alone, but then would it even matter. She hugged Sam tightly as the tears streamed from her face and on to the blonde hair below her.

_Do you live, Do you die_

_Do you bleed for the fantasy?_

_In your mind, through your eyes_

_Do you see it's the fantasy?_

It was a bright and beautiful morning, she was looking out at the sea, arms wrapped around her a soft kiss was placed on her neck. Turning as she heard the springs to their bed begin to creek she turned to see Sam smiling happy bouncing up and down. Until Charlie scooped him up into her arms and spun him around bringing him over to the window. He hugged Joeys legs tightly, for a moment she felt the happiest she had ever done in her entire life. But something didn't feel right and she could hear a constant dripping. It was getting louder and louder she was losing the perfect family image. With a slap to her face she was brought back to the cold harsh reality that she was now facing, life without Sam and life without Charlie.

_Maybe tonight we can forget about it all  
It could be just like heaven  
I am a machine  
No longer living, just a shell of what I dreamed_

Lexi slapped Joey again, delighting in the pleasure. Joey's body hung limply her hands were handcuffed to a pipe above her head. Attempting to block out Lexi her mind focusing on Charlie rather than the pain she was in.

_Do you live, do you die, do you bleed  
For the fantasy  
In your mind, through your eyes, do you see  
It's the fantasy_

Joey could feel the blood trickling down her face, her eye hurt and the burning in her wrist was unbelievable. Through one very puffed up eye she could see Lexi stood in front of her. There was a creepy smile plastered on her face. Joey knew instantly that it meant Charlie had failed.

_Do you live, do you die, do you bleed  
For the fantasy  
Automatic, I imagine, I believe_

Ruby couldn't move, Charlie never failed she was like super cop how could this stupid psychopath have won. Looking down at Sam she realised that Charlie had given her life to try and save her and Sam so now she needed to try and save Sam. She began looking around trying to figure out away to get out. out the window she could see the trail of smoke from the explosion. She knew where Charlie was, so there would be a car, a gun and a way to get help.

_Do you live  
Do you die  
Do you bleed  
For the fantasy_

Charlie was sitting with her hand draping over the side of the boat the waves splashing at her as the boat cut through them. Joey was bathed in a golden sunlight, the smile on her face was the biggest she had ever seen in a long time. Ruby was on the deck sun bathing and curled up next to her having fallen asleep was Sam. She felt for the first time in a long time that she had a family, that it was all perfect. She was disturbed from the dream by a incredible amount of pain in her left leg. She began to cough she felt a burning in her lungs. The image of Joey disappeared and was replaced by the dirt she was laying face down in, she was distracted from her mental imagery by a hideous stench of burning.

_Do you live, do you die, do you bleed  
For the fantasy  
In your mind, through your eyes, do you see  
It's the fantasy_

Charlie's mind went into overdrive. Lexi must believe her to be dead or too badly injured to be able to do anything, this was her opportunity. She could still do this, she could still win as long as, Lexi was still preoccupied with Joey and hadn't carried out her threat of killing her daughter and Sam.

She had to fight for her fantasy to be true.


End file.
